These past few weeks have been quite busy. Lots going on and plenty to talk about. I got my mission call to Ribeirao Preto Brazil which I will be reporting to the Brazil MTC on September 28. Right now the pressing matters are getting my passport so they can start working on my visa. I twisted my ankle yesterday which is a pain because its going to suck walking to class. It probably wont be better for at least 3 days. In reality itll be a week. Ive got a grip on all of my classes for the most part. Keeping track of all the homework anyways.
This past while Ive been feeling a little odd. I just feel like I dont belong and that Im not where Im supposed to be. I feel unnoticed and unwanted. Today going to church Damon said "are you ready for everyone to ask you what happened?" referring to my hurt ankle and I knew I wouldnt be asked once. And of course I was right. It also just might be the fact that I hide it well. I have the odd desire to be alone a lot. Im sure this feeling will pass but Im just writing down what Im thinking. The Song "the first single" by the format is really hitting home to me right now. The chorus goes "You know me, or you think you do. You just dont seem to see. Ive been waiting all this time to be something I cant define" " lets cause a scene clap our hands and stomp our feet or somethin"
I just dont seem to want to be noticed. Unlike others who want to put themselves out there the most they can regardless of them denying it. I dont want to. It feels like everyones life is better and that everyone has a sweet story to tell about their youth that is funny and satisfying to others to hear. Mine are all really depressing and hopeless. Im surprised Im where I am right now. Skimming across the bare minimum. Story of my life. Ive learned the things Ive learned because I wanted to know them. Sometimes I wish I had a different, "normal" childhood.
The timing for these feeling couldnt have happened at a worse time. But Im ok with it. Ill get over it just like every other hardship that has been throw in my face. It is what defines us as individuals. And where we stand. I think Im standing in the wrong spot.
Dont feel bad for me I really will be over this soon and everything will be merry again.
Until then.
You know i had those moments too and well sometimes i still get them, and yeah our childhood was a little different but you know what they make us stronger, and we got a different look on life and a different perspective. keep your head up and as elder allen here in TN would say Smile.
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